Can I be yang today?

My first thought upon waking this morning was of my son. He was the last thought before I went to sleep last night, and I dreamt of him in the night, so it was only fitting that I woke up with his name on my lips. I lay in my bed for twenty minutes, my alarm blaring, and didn’t budge. Finally, I decided that calling my job with “I’m sorry, I can’t come in today, this is my sons birthday.” wasn’t going to work.

I was 30 minutes late, grumpy, and moody. I felt like I was carrying a cloud with me.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but why does it seem as if we can’t face our obstacles one at a time? Today it was as if by allowing myself to feel the emotions associated with not having my son on his birthday, I opened the floodgates to my heart, and everything that I have been keeping pushed down inside came bubbling up to the surface. It wasn’t enough to cry because I miss my kids, I had to cry about every other little (and big) thing that has had me tipped sideways for the past several weeks.

Fortunately (if there’s a bright side to this at all), I did feel that by letting myself feel my feelings, instead of pushing them aside, I was able to…get it all out? I’m not sure what the proper term would be, but I felt a release of sorts.

Anyway, I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to write about the dream I had over the weekend, and the interpretation that my friend gave me. This is the dream:

I’m lying in bed, on my back, with my hands on my stomach. I’m pregnant, and the father of the baby is lying next to me. In my thoughts, I’m marveling at the fact that I can already feel the baby moving and shifting positions, although I realize that I’m not quite far enough to feel such things. I tell the father of the baby that if he’ll put his hand on my stomach, he can feel “her” move as well.

I’m aware of some sort of ’separation’ in my womb. In one half of my womb, the baby is growing, and in the other half, there is a tumor. I suddenly realize that for this baby to live, I will have to forgo treatment, and that I will die to give her life. Instead of being sad that I will die, I’m happy to sacrifice my life so that she will live.

The father of the baby still has his hand on my stomach, so I lay my hand on top of his, and we talk about the baby until I fall asleep. (How strange to ‘fall asleep’ in a dream!)

So, being the literal person that I am, when I woke up, I tried to imagine how I would feel if I was actually in that position. I know that if that situation arose in my life, instead of in my dreams, that I would likely make the same choice. I also woke up annoyed that I never looked at the face of the father of my child! I never got a sense of who he was, just that he was kind, had soft hands, and I felt he would be a gentle father.

Yesterday, I told this dream to some friends of mine, and Luk had a brilliant interpretation. I can’t recall his exact words, but the general idea is that I feel a change in my life, and in order for one part of me to live, another part of me has to die. (Sorry, Luk, for butchering your interpretation, you can feel free to correct me in my comments.)

I’m thinking that in order for my HEAD to survive, my HEART has to die (figuratively speaking.) I’m too emotion-driven. Almost every decision I make is based on some sort of emotion, occasionally backed up by logic. Perhaps if I make my decisions based on logic, I won’t make such poor choices.

Would anyone else like to take a crack at interpreting my dream? I’m honestly tired of dreaming about pregnancy/childbirth/babies. Maybe I’m supposed to be receiving some message and these dreams won’t stop until I understand. Maybe…I should call Charlie the psychotic psychic and ask for his thoughts on the matter. (Just kidding pantry, honest!)

..and in other random news…

There are only two weeks left until the Presidential Election. At this point, I’m not sure I care who wins, I just want the campaigning, media saturation and endless flow of political gossip to stop! There is going to be an election, and barring some unforeseen (albeit relatively likely) crisis (see: hanging chads. see: minorities paid for votes)…we are going to have a new president. We might even have a president for a full four years!

Oh God, I just had a vision of having Sarah Palin as our VP, and it was a scary thought. Doesn’t she know that pretty girls aren’t taken seriously? Doesn’t she realize that there are already T-shirts with her picture and the letters VPILF?

Dear Governor Palin,

I just thought you’d like to know that people don’t take you serious because you’re too cute. Can’t you try a little harder to be homely? Gosh, if you need an example, just look at Hilary Clinton.

Love, peace, and chicken grease,
jktty

 

*edit* I just wanted to add that I think I found a video of my future babydaddy. I can only say it was love at first sight. A girl can’t help where her heart is led. Enjoy.