Happy Birthday Dalton

Eight years ago today I gave birth to the most beautiful blonde-haired, brown-eyed boy I had ever laid eyes on. All children change our lives, but I had no idea how much my second born would change me.

The day I found out I was pregnant with him I cried my heart out. I had a nine month old already, and my husband and I had just gotten back together after a separation. You could call Dalton a “reconciliation baby” and that would probably be an accurate description. He was certainly a surprise.

I was desperately in love with my firstborn son, and I was scared to death that I wouldn’t possibly be able to love another baby nearly as much as I did the first one. I asked family members and friends that have more than one child if they really loved their seconds-and-mores as much as the firstborn and they all assured me that they did. I wasn’t fully convinced, but as my belly grew, I knew that I loved that little person growing inside of me.

The pregnancy was difficult. I had health problems, marriage problems, money problems, family issues…nothing was going as it should. Two weeks before Dalton was born, I packed my things, took my son, and left my husband. I can still remember the fear. I was going to be a single mother of not one, but two children.

I spent the last two weeks of my pregnancy crying on my mothers shoulder. I wish I could say that my second pregnancy was as wonderful as it should have been…but it would be a lie. However, the night before I was scheduled to go in for my planned c-section, I decided to put aside my fears and just experience being a new mother.

The first time I held him in my arms was magic. It was almost as if he became the tie that held my little family together. My two sons and I. My boys. I asked my mom to put David (my firstborn) on the bed with us…and I held my sons and felt as if my heart would burst with love and pride. My two perfect little boys.

While David had been a quiet baby who would sleep soundly for hours, Dalton was a needy little soul who liked to be “close” but not “held.” He was bright-eyed and alert, and when he looked at me I felt as if he knew the secrets of the universe. I would love to say I was a perfect mother, but taking care of a newborn and an eighteen month old at the same time was not always easy. Add that to the fact that I was brokenhearted over the loss of my marriage, frustrated by having to live with my mother, and dealing with a bad case of vertigo (that has lasted for years)…I was exhausted.

As he grew, he taught me so much about patience and unconditional love. From the time he was mobile, he exerted his independence in every possible way. From the time he could speak, his intelligence was obvious. He went right from being an infant into being a boy. He was a challenge at every turn, always testing me, and most definitely the ringleader of my children.

When I think about the fact that he was only 3 and a half years old the day that he was taken away from me…it’s hard to believe. He has such a big personality, full of mischief…but also very loving. I can’t imagine him at eight years old. I know he’s probably still just as strong and independent as he ever was, and just as loving and devoted.

I know that some day my children will be in my arms again, and I can’t wait to see how that blonde-haired, brown-eyed boy has grown. Happy birthday Dalton, I love you with all my heart.