Since last Friday…

First, I’m not dead. Fortunately? Unfortunately? Whatever, I’m still alive.

So, let’s get all caught up.

Friday night (the 9th), my roommate and I had a little alcohol, and then a little disagreement, followed up by me packing up all my stuff and leaving in the middle of the night. I haven’t heard a word from her since I left, and after the way she talked to me, I really don’t think I will. I won’t be crying about it or losing any sleep.

I moved in with my best friend. She’s one of those people that is very driven and ambitious, keeps her home immaculate, and has polite and respectful children. It’s pretty much night and day from where I was living, and the difference has been good for me. My stress levels are down, my blood pressure is down, I haven’t had a single headache since I moved, and I’m overall just really happy.

Since I moved in I’ve met so many people. She’s got a huge family, and tons of friends…and everyone is so damn nice. Of course, every where we go, I kinda feel like the token white girl, but I get in where I fit in.

Last week I looked at an apartment. It’s one bedroom, wood floors, HUGE living room, tiny kitchen, and pretty little bathroom with a really cool pedestal sink. The bedroom isn’t very big, but it’s got really cool French doors, and GIANT windows on two walls. It’s right across the street from this cute little Italian bistro, and less than 5 blocks from the hospital where I used to work (and am currently trying to find a part time job.)

The landlord is super nice, and is pretty much bending over backwards to get me to take the place. He’s going to have the floors cleaned, and walls painted, and then he’s going to let me move in on a deposit only. (ROCK!) It’s all bills paid, so I don’t have to worry about utility deposits. There are also only two other tenants in the building right now, so it’s going to be pretty quiet.

I’m a little freaked about living completely by myself. I mean, I lived alone when I had my kids…but the last time I lived completely alone I was 19 years old and ended up in lots of trouble. (Read: Freedom + alcohol + boys.) Anyway, it’s not about being lonely or anything like that…it’s that I tend to make poor judgement calls with the people I let into my life, and without someone around to nudge me in the other direction, I’m a little worried about what kinds of trouble I’ll find myself in.

On the Prodigal Boyfriend front…there’s nothing new. We hardly talk, and I’m pretty sure he’s got someone else. You know how you just know something, and even when you don’t want it to be so, it just is…that’s kinda how this is. We do a bit of text messaging every other day or so, but I just don’t think he’s there anymore, and quite frankly I dunno why he keeps talking to me.

That might make me sound cold and unfeeling, but that’s just not the case. I’ve been so crazy about him for so long. I’ve lost lots and lots of sleep with him on my mind. I’ve plotted and planned the how’s, whens and where’s of us meeting each other. I’ve put months of myself into…what? I’m in love with someone that isn’t in love with me. I’ve given my heart to someone that won’t give me his. I’m starting to feel like “ole faithful.” You know, the (girl)friend that a guy talks to when shit isn’t going great with his real girlfriend.

I feel like I already got my crying over with when he disappeared last month. I didn’t think he was going to come back then, and ever since he did…I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something feels very false about it all, and I have a hard time jumping head-first back into anything. Not that I could, anyway, when he makes himself quite unavailable to me.

So, whatever. I’m just along for the ride.

On the subject of men…an old friend of mine proposed to me on Saturday. I laughed hysterically, and told him no. Then he assured me he was quite serious, and that he wasn’t going to take my answer serious until Saturday. I told him I didn’t need a week to think about it, that I was sure I didn’t want to marry him, and he told me that I should give him a chance to steal my heart. Good luck buddy, there’s a boy in Indiana that’s playing with it…perhaps you should contact him because I’m pretty sure he’s about done with it.

Just in case anyone is concerned, I’m not dumb enough to run off to Vegas and marry the guy, even though that’s what he insists we should do. He was my boyfriend when I was 15, and there’s been three marriages and seven kids between the two of us since then…and I just don’t think so. HOWEVER…he did say if I just wanted to meet him in Vegas and party for a weekend that he’d treat. I think I’d be a fool not to, so as long as I get my own hotel room, and I don’t have to fight off his advances for a weekend, I might do it.

Some things have changed at my office, and it seems like I never have a minute to even check mail. Then, at home, the internet connection is pretty sketchy. I haven’t had much time to myself, but I was determined today to not let another day go by without writing something here. Now that I’ve accomplished what I set out to do, I think I’ll wrap it up.

This is going to be a short week at work, and I’m looking forward to the four day weekend. Maybe I’ll do something exciting (like go to a strip club on Thanksgiving with a bunch of people), or get completely wasted (at said strip club on Thanksgiving), and maybe do something completely out of character for me. I won’t say what that is…but if I do…I’ll be sure to spill the beans here.

Yay for holidays!