More unanswered questions…and bad news/good news

So yesterday afternoon at just after 4:30, the prodigal boyfriend came online. If I said I was shocked, that would be an understatement. I honestly thought that he had performed his final disappearing act and that I was going to be left scratching my head for a long time about it.

I still have no idea what happened, because I didn’t ask. I don’t know where he’s been or why he hasn’t talked to me, because I didn’t ask. It’s not that I don’t want to know, it’s that I’m a little afraid of what the answer might be. Also, I’m not sure if he’s going to be sticking around, and I saw no reason to muddy up a decent conversation with questions that might annoy him, and answers that might hurt me.

I only have a minute…

Because I’m still at work, and the cleaning crew is huffing and puffing around my desk as if I am the greatest nuisance they can possibly imagine.

 But, have I mentioned that people are unpredictable?

Better yet, can I just say that men are very confusing. That just when you think you have them figured out and call them “predictable” they do something really UNpredictable and set you back on your ass to think about it.

I won’t say more now, because a) I’m pressed for time and b) I don’t want to jinx it, so just use your imaginations tonight, and I’ll catch you up tomorrow.

Unanswered questions

I’m not the kind of ex girlfriend that chases after her ex. I don’t make tearful 3 a.m. calls asking “Why? Why did this happen?” I don’t drive by his house. I don’t e-mail. I don’t sniff around his friends waiting for information about him. I am the kind of ex that just lets it go. In fact, my MySpace name and the name of my first blog are plays on the name “Silent Ex.” (Ask me, and I’ll tell you, if you want a peek.)

I’m not a needy girlfriend, so I see no reason to be a needy ex-girlfriend. I’m not a whiny girlfriend, so I don’t want to be a whiny ex. I have been in enough relationships to know that things happen, and to never count on “forever”…especially when “forever” has been promised over and over…or not promised at all.

The party

So…I went to the party. I’ll break the night down into parts.

Before the party

I’m sick. I’ve got a bad cold of some sort, and I start thinking that maybe I should just call the whole thing off. Then I realize that I’m just using the cold as an excuse, and dammit I’m not going to chicken out on this. I take a hot shower to help my head a little, and decide that I’ll go to the party, and if I start feeling really bad I’ll leave.

I get dressed, leave the house at 6:30 thinking the party is at 7:00, but after I leave I start remembering that the email said that the crab boil was starting at 7:00, but the “party” was starting at 9:00. I didn’t want to just drive around, so I drove to a local drive-in, got a drink and sat there reading a book.

Around 8:30 I started heading towards the party. I think I secretly hoped I had the wrong address, but when I made the first drive-by I realized that it was the right house. Just to be sure, I called the number to double check, and yep, it was the right address.

I parked my truck behind a long row of cars, and started walking towards the sound of music and people laughing. I stopped in the ‘graveyard’ in front of the fence, and did a little self-talk. You can do this. This is cake. No big deal

Predictability

I’m a pretty predictable person. For the most part, I run on the same schedule. My friends know my routines, and depending on the day of the week, they know whether I’m at home at 7:00, or at the gym. They know I’m going to be up until 1:30 or 2:00, and that if they couldn’t get me on the phone, to email me because I always check mail before bed. I said before that I’m flexible, and that’s true…but I function best on tradition and routine.

I wonder why it is, then, that when I am in a relationship, it’s typically with a man that is absolutely unpredictable. It’s almost as if I borrow the unpredictability of that person to balance out the predictability of myself.

It’s difficult to truly get to know someone that is unpredictable. You can only grow as close as they allow you, and only at their speed, and only for as long as they let you. If you’re brave (or stupid) like I am, you plod on and hold on to whatever they give you, however small.

Friday’s Feast Number 12

Oh how I love Fridays! It’s been a difficult week, and I’m glad to be at the end of it. It’s time for the Feast.

Appetizer
Name a great website you would recommend to others.
Most people already know about PostSecret, I look forward to new postcards every Sunday. I also enjoy Found. Okay, I’ll stop at two, otherwise I’ll get out of control and post half the links in my IE Favorites.

Soup
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as highest), how often do you dream at night?
10. Definately. I dream every night, and usually long detailed dreams that run one into another sort of like a soap-opera. I don’t always remember every detail, but I can usually remember most…and the associated feelings. I’ve woken up out of dreams laughing, crying, shaking and terrified, and sometimes I wake up absolutely pissed off. For the most part I enjoy my dreams, though.

Salad
Did you have a pet as a child?  If so, what kind and what was its name?
The first pet that was ever “mine” and mine only was an AKA registered Miniature Schnauzer that my grandparents bought for me for my 11th birthday. She had a HUGE name, but the shortened name was Heidi. I got her in July that year, and my family moved to Mississippi in September. When we arrived, we realized that our house was about half a mile from the Gulf Coast, so the family decided we should take a visit down to the beach.

I’m not sure how progress and hurricanes have changed the coast, but in those days Highway 90 and the Mississippi Gulf Coast were locked in a tight embrace. The highway hugged so close to the water that there was scarecly room to park. My stepdad parked the car, and my brother and I bounded out of the back seat, Heidi in tow. We ran down to the edge of the water, where our noses were promptly assaulted by the foul odor of the filthy water and dead things on the sand. We turned back around to our parents, and started to walk back and tell them about our discovery of a dead fish that had HUMAN teeth (seriously, it was creepy!)

Anyway, when we began running towards my mom, Heidi got so excited in the commotion that she took off running, too. Only, when we stopped in front of my mom, my Heidi ran right out onto Highway 90 and met the underside of a White 1988 Pontiac Grand Prix. It was over in an instant, and my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Poor Heidi. Poor you, for having to read the longest answer to the shortest question.

Main Course
If you had the chance to star in a commercial, what would you choose to advertise?
LOL. I’d have to say I’d do adverts for Chevy Trucks. I’d make it part of my contract that I would get a new truck out of the deal on top of what I get paid for it. Ooooh, a brand new black Chevy Silverado 1500, extended cab stepside. Maybe a lift kit. *shivers*

Dessert
What is your favorite kind of hard candy? 
Butterscotch! And to be more specific, Brach’s makes the best.